pop cannibalism

I went clothes shopping today and I was dismayed yet again. Its hard to find clothing that fits me, I'm not that tall and I'm kinda skinny. I can no longer stand the skinny jeans, (which I'm wearing as I type this, ironically) they only look good on a few people (and they aren't male). They make a top heavy woman look like Dr. Robotnik from Sonic the Hedgehog: They make me look even scrawnier. So I went shopping for nice jeans, and I'm glad the fashionistas that be have allowed the low-rise boot cut to return to the marketplace, because they're the only decent looking pair of pants I've ever owned short of tailored slacks. I hate that word...slacks. By the way, is it me, or is Hollister just Ambercrombie & Fitch, and isn't Abercrombie & Fitch just a cologne-saturated gay club (the music's loud as hell and theres pictures of half-naked men everywhere).

Anyway, I've just started this Mass Media Course, and it got me thinking about how much I hate that society and culture shape what I should wear. My wife and I watch "what not to wear." on a fairly regular basis, and while I have my snobbish/critical side, I hate watching Mrs. Pretty and Popular, class of 77, and her identical male cohort get paid to repeat high school history by snickering at the poorly dressed and clueless subjects of their tv show. It's culture enforced conformity taken to a new level. I have to admit, though they make their subjects look much better when they're done.

So, getting back to my trip to one of the billions of O.C.'s malls, I can't seem to find a store that fits my tastes. There are so many subconcious messages behind what someone wears, and I don't always like the way it "defines" a person. I don't want someone to categorize me by my pants and shoes. Still, I can't help doing it myself, watch:

Dave Matthews/Phish fan and probably a stoner and or frat-jock: shops at Steve & Barry's

Favorite band is My Chemical Romance or Staind: shops at Hot Topic

John Mayer and Jason Mraz on the iPod: go to the Gap. Guess whats new this fall, something Khaki...again!

I also can't stand how men have so very few choices in style. Men's clothes are either too safe for my tastes, or too obnoxious. I am an artist and a rock musician, but I don't want to look a "rockstar." Also, Khaki cargo pants, how the hell are they still cool with anyone not at a Dave Matthew's Band concert!? I was there, back in in 1998, so were my cargoes, Dave played two encores, but unfortunately, so do the pants.

I am also grossed out by American Apparel's neon child porn look. The shirts I make are from AA shirts, but I won't be caught dead wearing a vest and hot pink pants with a polo with popped collar and visor shades. Polo's are for Best Buy, Pizza Hut, and tanning salon employees. I am weary of all the studded belts, skulls, grenades, grenade hearts, grenades made of skeletons, guns, flowery guns, guns with hearts, basically any peice of ammunition combined with anatomy or flowers. I don't want my shirts emboidered with family crests and ivy and lions and bombs. Thats for the Euro 'bags. These are european, or (mostly) american males trying to look european, with pointy-toed boots, tons of jewelry, and a faux hawk full of product. I remember these guys from the highschool football team. They got drunk, stumbled into Metro Park, and haven't found their way out.

There's a great site (and abook) about the cultural phenomenon of "douchebags" and beautiful women. You can see what I mean at http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/ .

I had noticed the sudden surge of these people, but couldn't quite articulate what they were or what it was that I couldn't stand, but the book put it all in perspective:

Greasy foreheads. Spiky frosted hair. Oiled-up faces dripping with Tag Body Shot spray. Armani Exchange T-shirts and rank cologne wafting off their backs like fetid pollen clouds as they pump their fists and attempt to grind into any hotties nearby. Young beauties oblivious to the hulking monstrosity clutching at their butts like snapping turtles on Red Bull.
From sea to douchey sea, ours is a culture plagued by this festering blight. By the dark forces of über-douchebaggery.

This guy won the Douchie 2007 award.

On the other end of the spectrum, men's clothing is hopelessly tame. I guess thats why I have Spitting Image. I like having shirts that no one else has (there are a few exclusives that we have made that aren't available to the public on our online site).

But still, what I really want isn't always available

I like Classic American style and I like unique twists on things. Here are a few of my favorite looks, several of which were lifted from a great blog called Manshion (he also has a great guide to shopping for the vertically challegened):

Je ne suis pas cool.

I was in a group called the Source Room in grade school, and up until this very moment, I have never really wondered why it was named Source Room. I would jokingly say it's the source of my sense of entitlement.

When I joined, the Source Room was a fledgling program for gifted and talented grade school students in which we (a handful of first graders) were taken out of class in the afternoon to learn french, how to brainstorm, go on feild trips to learn how things are made, cultivated creativity, invented products, gave oral speeches and presentations, followed current events, and formed our own opinions (biased largely by the world view of our libertarian teacher, Mrs. Stacy). It took me years to finally see it in myself and reconstruct my own ideologies. Geography was usually held in the afternoon, but I was always in Source Room, so I think that accounts for my lack of solid geographical and history education. Our Source Room group grew in number and dropped in IQ over the years, which I assume had something to do with a few upset mothers complaining their child's way into our group. I wish I could get my hands on some of the videos we made, because there were some dumb kids forced into the group. I remember one year we filmed fake commercials and we had to teach one of the actors how to sweep the floor convincingly. He looked like he was mopping the floor.

That said, the original group, Katie, Leah, Erin, Amanda, and I were invited to join the Source Room for various reasons. Katie skipped kindergarten, was exceptionally bright and younger than her classmates, Leah was also intelligent, but showed an early knack for art. Erin didn't stay with us for too long, and I'm not sure what her story was. Amanda was/ is a humorous and intellegint individual. She has a unique approach to life to say the least. I was taught to read before school and was intensly inquisitive. By the time I reached first grade, I was usually the first one finished with my school work in class so I used my spare time to crack jokes and make fun of kids who were just learning to read. When I received the initial invitation letter from Mrs. Stacy, I never gave it to my parents because I thought I was in trouble (I got in trouble a lot, and therefore had a lot of letters to take home to my parents). My parents were informed of the giftedness of their child with a phone call. Just a year earlier my kindergarten teach had informed my parents that I was a slow child and had developmental problems. Take that Miss Watson, you stupid cow!

Today, most of the originals haven't quite achieved anything of note. The ones that finished college have jobs completely unrelated to their majors. Amanda has several schemes, but she has mainly worked for Fed Ex for the last decade, Leah has not become the artist I thought she would be. Katie became anti-social in her teen years and became somewhat goth, changed the spelling of her name and now she sings in a goth rock band ( I guess thats something).

Me, I've started a business that I'm struggling to break even with, I played in a band that opened up for the Wu Tang Clan's RZA, then I had to quit and move away before recording anything with them, I worked at an amazing record studio for free, I went to one of the most prestigous music colleges but I was unable to afford it and dropped out after a year and a half, I have written several albums worth of songs and recorded most of them without vocal tracks (so they sit, unheard),

and need I mention that I have attended 4 different colleges with 3 different majors, amassing over 67 credits and have no degrees or certificates to show for it.

I'm working oon a plan though,

and it has nothing to do with "plastics"

Rock N' Roll Suicide

I've started a small band and I'm doing a four week intensive in Anthropology and College Algebra, so I've been away a while. I'm attending my fifth college right now.

A year after I graduated highschool I moved to Boston to attend Berklee College of Music, dropped out a year and a half later, moved back to Wisconsin, went to For His Glory Bible College for a year and a half, dropped out and got married. Then I moved to New York, went to Dowling College to study business, moved to California, and now I'm taking Gen Ed's at Santiago Canyon College (it's in a beautiful canyon surrounded by mountains) to transfer to Chapman University next year for Music Composition with a film emphasis.

At first I was nervous about being 27 in classes full of 19 year-olds, but there are some geezers in my class, so it's cool.

So today being one of my first "days off" in a while decided to squander it on the Internet. So far I've read three wikihow articles on how to clean mineral deposits out of your shower head ( soak it in a pot full of simmering -but not boiling - vinegar), how to clean a shower liner, how to get the mold smell out of a front load washer and dryer. I'm not really interested in how to do these things, I just kept clicking the links.

After a while I started searching arts & entertainment hows and found myself editing how to articles that sound like they were written by foreigners. Then I got a little creative with it. I had clicked on How to Form a Band - wikiHow out of curiosity because I've done it so many different ways, I wanted to know how others went about it. Towards then end I saw two naive steps in the process, "get signed by a label," and "get ready for stardom." I quickly deleted the first one and replaced the last one with this:

# Get famous, take up a debilitating drug and/or alcohol habit, lose the sense of who you are/were, go in and out of rehab, remarry a few times, quell the inner band fighting by throwing your mic at the drummer during his self-indulgent drum solo and flip off the audience while exiting the stage, get plowed in your trailer (extra points for overdosing), if the band confronts you with an intervention, go get your samurai sword that you picked up on your Japan tour and start swinging), break up the band, release a lackluster solo album, drop out of the public eye while your former glory is forgotten to the next two generations and your music goes out of fashion, spiral into a cycle of depression and substance abuse, alienating yourself from friends and family, walk onto the set of MTV's TRL and make a spectacle of yourself (this can also be done at any televised awards ceremony pre-show parties), enjoy a little bit of embarrassing notoriety (at least they'll know your name again), drop out of sight for ten or more years, sell your hit songs to commercials selling cars, mayonnaise, and feminine deodorant, sober up, find religion, make amends with your past and your band mates, do what is known in the industry as "staying relevant" by doing cameos on the Simpsons, playing a judge in Zoolander, or performing a show with Britney (if you are Britney, try a spot on Saturday Night Live, its the platform for stars who have fallen from grace and need to make good with the public by mocking their infamous behavior i.e. Winona Ryder and countless other scandal-ridden stars),plan a reunion tour, charge upwards of $150 a ticket, sell out shows worldwide, cancel shows due to drug/alcohol relapse, get your stuff together and keep rocking well into your sixties, remarry to someone younger and hotter, lather, rinse, and repeat, hang out to dry. A tangential version of this would be to find religion that doesn't allow music or the excess of stardom, release an album of watered down versions of your greatest songs with MOR world music beats and instruments.

I guess you get a bit jaded after reading about all your heroes and what happens to them. The above list contains similarities to stories of many of my favorites including David Bowie, Elvis Costello, Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, Sting and Police, Cat Stevens, David Lee Roth, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and some of my non-favorites (Courtney Love)

The sword incident happened to me when my band mates and I intervened on our coke addled lead singer the night after he lost had our equipment trucked for being parked at bus stop in front of the strip club where he got drunk and subsequently botched our gig, forgetting lyrics to his songs and verbally berating the band and the audience. I'll spare you the story of the legal battles, I'm too busy wasting time on you tube now.

Start Wearing Purple

I was working on a draft of another blog post but it lacked necesary pictures so I'm just posting to hear myself speak.

I've been MIA lately. Etsy has kept me quite busy, as have songwriting and my plans to go to film school, more about that later.

Just wanted to say, I haven't been excited about new music in a long while, but the new Beck single Chemical trails...woah...new direction. love it. can't wait for the album.

New Coldplay: they've completely redeemed themselves with some help from Brian Eno. Parachutes is and was my favorite album, there may be a new contender.

That was a short list. I guess I'm still not that into anything thats come out recently. I'm gonna punch my face in if I have to hear Katie Perry one more time. Either that or staple my tongue to a sandwhich. actually, that might not be all that bad once the pain subsides.

Besides that, it's been heavy doses of Talking Heads "Covered with Daisies" and "Road to Nowhere" I learned to play "Burning Down the House on ukelele." I've got to figure out a way to get some mp3's on this blog...but I'm too busy.

If you haven't seen the Bat for Lashes video for "what's a girl to do," youtube it now. Creepy cool. Animal heads, ghosts, balloons, bicycle stunts, a flipped over car with huge fangs, all in a dark forest. Its got everything a music video should have. Old news for some, but too brilliant not to pass along.

By the way, if you're in a funk and you need lift this song will work every time: Start Wearing Purple. You may recognize Gogol from the film Everything is Illuminated with Elijah Wood (see top image).

and here's a little something from King Missile inspired by my recent job hunt.

Baby Daddy

We need to find a baby to show off our new line of baby clothes! My wife wants a baby yesterday (and my parents and in-laws are chomping at the bit for grandchitlins), but even if we have one in nine months from now, it's not gonna be fast enough to show off our new baby line.

here's what we have to offer so far:

If you know anyone with some babies just lying around and they aren't using them or anything, lemme know. Remember people, "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle."

If they are using the babies, great, then they need to be wearing our clothes.

Etsy Gift Guide for Dads and Dudes

I have been perusing the Etsy Father's Day Treasuries and Etsy Finds like a hawk trying to find something cool for my Dad, but have been coming up short. I don't want to get him something that will get tossed in the "junk drawer" when I'm not looking. I don't know how to put it politely, but most Dad's don't actually want you to knit, crochet, or weave them anything, even if it is to be used for drinking, fishing, hunting, or belching contests.

I must admit, I'm not the typical "guy," I dislike fishing, hunting, and sports- especially golf. I don't drink much at all these days, and I'm not all that into shoot 'em up 'splosion films, though I do watch them (especially if they have Super/Spider/X-/Iron Man in the title) . I don't know or care much about cars, though I've learned to fix them out of necessity. I never really got into tools until my Dad bought me one for my birthday. It rules, I use it all the time, but just because I like my tools, it doesn't mean I want to display it on my shirt/tie/wallet/belt (unless it is an actual toolbelt-still please don't decorate a tool belt as a gift). Nonetheless, just being a guy makes me qualified enough to say, "hey, here's some stuff dad/guys might like."

That said, here's my attempt at an Etsy gift guide for Dads and Dudes.

With this first item, I have to eat my words about displaying tools on my belt, I would wear this belt buckle proudly:



These belt buckles are not only stylish, they're well made with quality hardware and its only $30. Kali Mellus' shop, ByKali has several more that I'd also like.

And if you're gonna get a guy something made of wood, or something practical yet whimsical: try this:

This is the Coming and Going Bull Trophy Holdall by LuxfordSt. yeah, it's cool.

I'm a huge fan of functional art, especially lamp art. Here's a spraypaint can lamp by bblock:

Here's an apron that won't emasculate your Dad when he BBQ's: Its called "Chef Chop" and its available in Juror 2's shop.

Duct tape wallets and other handmade wallets are cool, but Dad might want something he won't be embarassed to pull out at the bank. How's bout this here money clip made by Garnish Home ?


Dad's love sweets, so if you can't bake, why not let someone else?


I saw this pile of cookies and startied gnawing on my laptop screen. My laptop doesn't taste anywhere near as good as these Double Chocolate Coffee Macadamia Nut cookies by Groovy Cookies.
Now all you need is a Father's Day card like this one at Kindred Knits and your all set.

Father's Day Fodder

Dad's Day is approaching, which always sucks for me because I live on the far side of the country from him, and have for many years, because I have bounced from Boston to Brooklyn, and now to Orange County. It also sucks beacause I can never think of anything good enough to get him that he doesn't already have. Practical is not always best, since he can go out and get whatever tools he needs and he'll know better which brands and types. Dad's don't want a damn tie either! They like toys and gadgets.

I have bought my dad toy and model airplanes, helicopters, kites, an mp3 player, an mp3 site subscription, an audiobook subscription, but the best was when I built him a spud gun. How do you top an illegal potato-launching firearm? I'm not sure you can, and he already has a wicked 6 foot long, industrial rubber-grade water baloon launcher (and he sure as hell ain't launching balloons with it either-try eggs, tomatoes, golfballs, apples, and the occasional jar of pickles).

Like myself, my Dad's also a drummer, but he already has an electric drumset and an awesome Pearl kit. I've bought him Zildjian gear, videos, etc. so thats out.

My parents both lift weights and work out, but we've already bought them (or they've bought themselves) every flash in the pan workout gadget you can think of: Stairmaster, Thighmaster, Abmaster, even Slide Aerobics (remember that one? it was supposed to simulate rollerblading, nowadays you wouldn't be caught dead actually rollerblading).

Unfortunately, etsy wasn't much help either. I don't know how many guys actually wear cuff links that aren't sizing you up for a tuxedo in the mall. Belts, ties, wallets! Are men really so dull? no. this can't be.

Well for what it's worth, Amy took some shots of pops in one of our shirts, we're going to list them in the Father's Day Treasury.

well, I'm off to go make some new stuff for our shop, there will be some new designs trickling into our store this month, even stuff for babies. Babies love to shop.